you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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