believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
