I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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