I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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