Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
