sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
