The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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