Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
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