i think i have herpe
just one?
I wish i was in the wii world.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
