I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
