i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
