i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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