Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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