You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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