omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
