if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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