I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
