i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
