He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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