I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
