____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Boobs speak an international language.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
