dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
