I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
