Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
