does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
