I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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