i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
