So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Do you still have your period?
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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