They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
