i need an iv and a liver transplant
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
