I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
and she was petting her beer can
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
