Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
