i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
