dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
