You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
