I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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