I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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