I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
