i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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