the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I cut my penus on the lid.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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