he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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