the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I have fence marks all over my body
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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