so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
