my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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