dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
