I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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