dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
