whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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