your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
