too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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