Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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