So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
