So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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